Practice for English Paper Tomorrow

MUFLIS CORPORATION LTD.

012-016/019 Jalan Kopunye,

Taman Perindustrian Minewan,

11235 Selangor Darul Pengsan,

MALAYSIA takleh

To : Ms. Kong Loh Soh, Administration Department

From : Mr. Ai Ken Not, Supervisor, Production Department

Subject : Recommendation on Production and Efficiency Boost Plan

Date : 22nd April 8002

Being disatisfied with the low yield and production rate of the workers, the president of this corporation urged the Production Department to formulate a new plan to tackle this problem. Prior to his transfer to the asylum, he expressed his wish to have Ms. Kong to personally oversee and materialise his desperate attempt to steer the company from the inevitable likelihood of bancruptcy back onto the right track. Hence, this report should provide you with the sufficient insight and information to cast this whole corporation with the final beacon of hope of the president.

A specially set up committee to assess the situation before laying down the framework has discovered that huge number of workers are late to work everyday, reducing their production rate at a significant rate. A check on their punchcards revealed that majority of them are Malaysians living within the range of 2km from the workplace - oh well, Malaysians... . Hence to overcome this matter, the HR manager is only to employ workers who best are imsoniac. Alternatives should be workers who are single and possess their own tents or sleeping bags, applications from Spartans will be prioritised. The corporation should also annex part of the premises as campgrounds inclusive of kitchens and open bathrooms for the workers during the nights. The policy should be altered as well to make it compulsary for the workers to camp during weeknights, and pyjamas with Hello Kitty motifs are strictly prohibited. This, we believe, will surely reduce the number of workers late to work.

Besides that, the committee has also found a peculiar trait among all - yes, I mean all - workers during 5 minutes before noon and 5pm, where they will be in a ritual trance of chanting and agitated dancing; apparently worshipping the God JamDinding. Few are reported to exhibit their faithful devotion near all exits. On top of that, 11 out of 10 workers possess severe 4S (Sleeping Standing Straight Syndrome) - symptoms are heavily demonstrated particularly around 1 to 3pm - while operating heavy machineries. A medical treatment is recommended. Dubbed as 'Operation Frankenstein', the treatment will consist of implanting two semi-metal electrodes with antennae in both the brain hemispheres of the workers, followed by Imperio counselling with Dr He-Should-Not-Be-Named. The electrodes function to sent kilovolts of rejuvenating electricity to the workers when their brainwave are monitored to be below Einstein's recorded brainwave.

Lastly, all newly employed worker would be placed under a probation period of at least one week in the House of Wax before being confirmed of their employment by the corporation. Workers who survive below expectation would dine in hell be terminated by T-300 under the chemical shed behind the premise together with the head-pierced Paris Hilton. Apart from that, workers who are found to be exceptionally potential in waxing superiors' shoes would be instantaneously transferred to Housekeeping, Toilet Hygiene and Janitorial Department to further exploit their talents. Promotions would be given on the basis of ark building - manual Ark Building for Dummies will be given to interested applicants free of charge, courtesy of G Himself. Applications from X-Men should be strongly denied as it would lead to frequent interventions of Magneto that will render the machineries in the corporation to be condemned easily and beyond repair.

We hope that you will find the recommendations in this report informative and of expectation. Please do not hesitate to contact me on my hotline 1300-ESCORT-FOR-HIRE should you have any queries, I will be extremely overjoyed to assist you in anyway possible.

Thank you.

CC: Brangelina, Vietnamese Adoption and Employment Agency